Title: a dark Journey into the Light
Author: Josef
Series: Standalone
Genre: Autobiography
Publisher: Fontaine Publishing Group
Release Date: June 7 2015
Edition/Formats: 2nd Edition ~ eBook & Print
Blurb/Synopsis:
A dark Journey into the light is the true story of a
man who, for sixty years, led a double life.
Josef is lost in a secret world of sexual
gratification, a true-life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, unable to halt the “roller
coaster of conflicting emotional extremes that never stopped long enough for me
to get off.”
“I gave myself to that sexual playground
completely, and loved every minute of it when it was happening. It was only
afterwards that spikes of shame, guilt, and self-¬loathing would be driven deep
into my heart.”
He traces the beginnings of his obsession
to his childhood, where his natural innocent curiosity and need for exploration
were at odds with his Catholic upbringing and the view of his extremely
repressed mother, both of whom regarded the human body as ‘dirty’ and
‘shameful’.
For sixty years, Josef lived a secret
double life. The only people who knew about this other life were the professional
mistresses, trannies, and prostitutes with whom he indulged every conceivable
sexual fantasy. No one in his ‘other’ life had any idea of who he really was or
the things he did.
Yet his secret life claimed a terrible
toll. The failure of his first marriage. The loss of his son. The loss of his
beloved second wife.
Only after extensive therapy was he finally
able to see and feel the light of compassion, and allow the healing energy of
forgiveness to begin taking away the pain.
In his journey, Josef explores an
astonishing variety of topics. In addition to sexual addiction and the hidden
world of BDSM, he delves into the burden of guilt of the Catholic Church, fear,
political correctness, non-¬judgment, love and loss, philosophy, the soul,
spiritual awakening, and healing.
This is the journey of an ordinary man lost
in an extraordinary secret, dark world, who ultimately finds his way out of the
tangled mess through the power of love and forgiveness.
Excerpt #2 – R, Sexual References
If everyone was more educated about sex,
and not so afraid of what they feel, there would be a lot more humping and
bumping till death do them part, and that would be another good thing. Jack and
Jill would live much more happily ever after if they went up the hill to fetch
a bucket of water and stopped in the bushes on the way down while Jack whipped
Jill’s panties off and gave her a little tongue massage.
Without sex, and the integral part it plays
in the magnetic attraction between men and women, nothing would happen. We have
to deal with our fear of sex, beginning with the fear of our bodies. We have to
stop being afraid of being naked. We have to stop breeding fear into our
children, making them feel there is something wrong with innocent curiosity. If
we don’t unravel the mystery of sex, we will never learn to live as true human
beings.
But it’s a huge task because sex covers
such a wide spectrum, meaning there is a lot to unravel. Making the task even
harder is that society does not make allowances for the differences between
people, and no matter how liberal or accepting the façade they portray, the
truth is we live in a brutally unforgiving world.
How many people do you know who can talk
freely about BDSM? Unless you’re an active member of a BDSM club, it will be
rare if you can name one person, yet the global numbers collected during
anonymous surveys are significant, with 20 per cent of people around the world
practicing some level of bondage, discipline, and good healthy fun with their
partner in the privacy of their bedrooms. In the United States, the number is
38 per cent, which means Americans know how to have a good time!
Mind you, that’s a lot of people going
straight to hell if the church gets its hands on them. Does anyone really
believe some of those couples show up for church on Sunday after not having
spent a very enjoyable Saturday evening together? You can bet your front row
seat in heaven on it. Without doubt, some of them were being tied down, lying
there in ecstasy as nipple clamps bit into their sensitive skin, or a paddle
was laid across their bare buttocks. But really, it’s nobody else’s business
and everyone should butt out while she butt plugs his cherry-red ass after
giving him a good whipping. They’re just having fun. Good luck to them, and I
don’t think God gives a shit. They are simply on their own journey of discovery
and learning.
That kind of fun, or any kind of fun
between married couples and consenting adults, will never send someone to
“hell”. If people have no fear, and still just want a vanilla shag with the
lights out, then good for them. Everybody has the right to do whatever turns
them on when it comes to sex.
It’s just a shame that so many people have
to pretend their lives are something they’re not. Isn’t that a problem to start
with?
Author Information:
To the outside world he led a very normal life as a loving husband, good friend and successful businessman. But inside he harbored a great secret as he pursued a life exploring every avenue of sex imaginable. Stemming from an assignment his therapist gave him, this book explores the many aspects of sex that are hidden and frowned upon by society. Josef began by visiting mistresses and frequenting massage parlors, but most people could not even imagine the ways he found to satisfy his all-consuming desires, finding them repulsive, or strange to say the least. But Josef couldn’t get enough of it, as he planned his daily life around his next sexual encounter, lying to his wife and everyone who knew him for sixty years.
Some parts of Josef’s life are very confronting,
and not for the prudish or faint-hearted, but Fifty Shades of Truth is a
wonderfully entertaining, sometimes humorous, sometimes shocking, sometimes
challenging, but always entertaining account of this man’s life. Many other men can only fantasize about some
of the things he has experienced.
With this book being an Autobiography the Synopsis and Author Bio are the same.
Author
Links
Note from the Author
This is
the story of my life. It has not been
fabricated, exaggerated, or embellished in any way. It's the raw truth and I'm not really sure
why I'm writing it, but my therapist thinks it's a good idea, and I can
understand her reasoning about that.
Writing down my life's story might simply be a part of the healing
process, so I can finally move on with my life and live it like a normal person. All my life I've wished for nothing more than
to just be normal, as I've looked around and envied other people's untroubled
lives. At least that is how they appear
on the surface. We can all be quite
certain that most people harbor some secrets in their lives. Those secrets might be just some small things
they regret, or feel ashamed about. I
wish people did not need to have secrets, and live in fear and guilt about
their lives. Most things people hide
from are not worth the stress, but I guess I'm the same. Maybe I should be able to shout from the
rooftops, and tell the world I'm not afraid or ashamed of my life, but in my
heart I know many people will stand in judgment of me. At the same time, I know that deep down a lot
of people would applaud my courage to do so, even if their own fears prevented
them from supporting me out loud.
Therein lies the problem. If you
stand outside society's norm, you stand alone, through social judgment and
fear. Maybe I should just include it all
in the category of fear, and leave judgment out of it, considering that all
judgment has its roots in fear to begin with.
Fear; the
prime mover for almost every expression in our lives. What would it be like to be free of fear?
I know
everyone has their problems, and people go through a great deal of pain and
suffering in so many ways. I personally
know people who I would not trade places with for anything on Earth. We all go through the "run of the
mill" issues which plague people; things like marriage breakups, financial
problems, health issues, and everything that goes with living on this planet;
trying to coexist with a whole lot of people, most of whom we have almost
nothing in common, except a pattern of closely similar reactions that maintain
a reasonable level of "sanity" in society. And it is all bound in fear.
It
doesn't sound like much of a way to live, but if you question someone about
their lives and propose the idea that they live their lives in fear, almost all
of them will disagree. Some will even
get angry, and possibly violent, if you dare to start a debate with them on the
issue. The irony is that they won't see,
even then, that their reaction to the idea that their lives are based on fear,
is in itself a fear based reaction. So
why would I tell people about my life?
Why would I stand up, step out of the shadows that society creeps around
in, and put my trust in people to accept my life? Simple.
People cannot be trusted.
Everyone knows this because everyone has a secret. The only variable is the size of the secret,
and mine would attract a massive excess baggage fee if I packed it in a
suitcase and boarded a plane.
I've had,
and have, all those problems I spoke about; divorce, health and finance, to
some degree. I'm not saying my life is
difficult in the main, and in fact I often count myself lucky, and give thanks
for my life, and the many things I enjoy.
Unlike some others, at least I have my health, in that I can walk, talk,
eat, see and hear. I also have a brain
that works well enough, which gives me the opportunity to make something of
myself, and do something with my life. I
really cannot complain, so what makes my life so different that my therapist
thinks that writing it down is a good idea?
I don't
think the aspect of my life in question is in anyway unusual, or different, to
a large percentage of the population, so I guess it just comes down to a
question of degree and scope. When I
consider those factors I can't help feeling my life has been a little unusual,
to say the least, and a lot unusual to "say the most"! No doubt it could be expressed by a lot of
people with words like sick, deviant, gross, fucked-up, pathetic, abhorrent,
disgusting, depraved, and so on. These
words are not new to me. I've tarred
myself with every one of them over the years, and nobody else could project the
depth of feeling in those words more strongly to me than I have against
myself. That projection in turn evoked
feelings of shame, guilt, unworthiness and self-loathing that cannot be
replicated by imagination. Even if I
told you that you cannot imagine the things I've done, and then gave you a
hint, you would not cover the depth and breadth of my life experience.
I've
written about this in a way that tries to depict how I felt at the time and how
I feel now, and can only use words or terms that make that possible. This book is not for the prudish or
faint-hearted, so if you like your reality painted over and sugar-coated, then
this is not for you, and I suggest you make a nice cup of tea and watch re-runs
of Days of Our Lives instead.
I'm not
complaining about my lot, and in some strange way I have even come to
appreciate it after all this time. All I
want to do now is find some understanding out of it that might possibly enrich
the remainder of my life, and maybe even help others with theirs.
It all
seemed to begin harmlessly enough as a young child in primary school, but when
I was a young teenager, an innocent conversation with my mother raised the idea
in me that this turbulent, obsessive journey had actually begun when I was just
a baby. In time I had no doubt about
this, and it has often led me to wonder - is this some kind of karmic load I am
unloading, or am I building a karmic load that will crush the life out of my
soul? This is the question that would
plague me through the decades to come.
Whatever the explanation for it, I was powerless to do anything about
it. All I could do was hang in, and hang
on, as I plunged headlong through a chaotic world of sensory
self-gratification. Where do I even
start, to give anyone an idea of the duality of the life I have lived for as
long as I can remember? There is that
old clichéd crap about starting at the beginning, and they may be right, but
let's just skip ahead for a moment, because honestly, if I'm going to write
this down, then I don't have time for norms or clichés, and don't give a shit
about them. Skipping ahead will give me
a clear reminder of why I'm writing this, and what I'm writing about. I'll come back and try to join some dots, so
this might become a clearer picture of what it always felt like to me: a life
unlived. Is that too dramatic; to call
it a life unlived? I lived something,
didn't I? We all have some notion of
what life should be like, or what we wish it was like, and in my mind and in my
heart my life never measured up to any of my wishes. It just never felt like living. It always felt like a crap life; a bum deal.
It is what it is.
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