Title: a dark Journey into the Light
Author: Josef
Series: Stand Alone
Genre: Autobiography
Publisher: Fontaine Publishing Group
Release Date: June 7 2015
Edition/Formats: 2nd Edition ~ eBook &
Print
Blurb/Synopsis:
A dark Journey into the light is the true story of a
man who, for sixty years, led a double life.
Josef is lost in a secret world of sexual
gratification, a true-life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, unable to halt the “roller
coaster of conflicting emotional extremes that never stopped long enough for me
to get off.”
“I gave myself to that sexual playground
completely, and loved every minute of it when it was happening. It was only
afterwards that spikes of shame, guilt, and self-¬loathing would be driven deep
into my heart.”
He traces the beginnings of his obsession
to his childhood, where his natural innocent curiosity and need for exploration
were at odds with his Catholic upbringing and the view of his extremely repressed
mother, both of whom regarded the human body as ‘dirty’ and ‘shameful’.
For sixty years, Josef lived a secret
double life. The only people who knew about this other life were the
professional mistresses, trannies, and prostitutes with whom he indulged every
conceivable sexual fantasy. No one in his ‘other’ life had any idea of who he
really was or the things he did.
Yet his secret life claimed a terrible
toll. The failure of his first marriage. The loss of his son. The loss of his
beloved second wife.
Only after extensive therapy was he finally
able to see and feel the light of compassion, and allow the healing energy of
forgiveness to begin taking away the pain.
In his journey, Josef explores an
astonishing variety of topics. In addition to sexual addiction and the hidden
world of BDSM, he delves into the burden of guilt of the Catholic Church, fear,
political correctness, non-¬judgment, love and loss, philosophy, the soul,
spiritual awakening, and healing.
This is the journey of an ordinary man lost
in an extraordinary secret, dark world, who ultimately finds his way out of the
tangled mess through the power of love and forgiveness.
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Note from the Author
This is the story of my life. It has not been fabricated, exaggerated, or
embellished in any way. It's the raw
truth and I'm not really sure why I'm writing it, but my therapist thinks it's
a good idea, and I can understand her reasoning about that. Writing down my life's story might simply be
a part of the healing process, so I can finally move on with my life and live
it like a normal person. All my life
I've wished for nothing more than to just be normal, as I've looked around and
envied other people's untroubled lives.
At least that is how they appear on the surface. We can all be quite certain that most people
harbor some secrets in their lives.
Those secrets might be just some small things they regret, or feel
ashamed about. I wish people did not
need to have secrets, and live in fear and guilt about their lives. Most things people hide from are not worth
the stress, but I guess I'm the same.
Maybe I should be able to shout from the rooftops, and tell the world
I'm not afraid or ashamed of my life, but in my heart I know many people will
stand in judgment of me. At the same
time, I know that deep down a lot of people would applaud my courage to do so,
even if their own fears prevented them from supporting me out loud. Therein lies the problem. If you stand outside society's norm, you
stand alone, through social judgment and fear.
Maybe I should just include it all in the category of fear, and leave
judgment out of it, considering that all judgment has its roots in fear to
begin with.
Fear; the prime mover for almost every
expression in our lives. What would it
be like to be free of fear?
I know everyone has their problems, and
people go through a great deal of pain and suffering in so many ways. I personally know people who I would not
trade places with for anything on Earth.
We all go through the "run of the mill" issues which plague
people; things like marriage breakups, financial problems, health issues, and
everything that goes with living on this planet; trying to coexist with a whole
lot of people, most of whom we have almost nothing in common, except a pattern
of closely similar reactions that maintain a reasonable level of
"sanity" in society. And it is
all bound in fear.
It doesn't sound like much of a way to
live, but if you question someone about their lives and propose the idea that
they live their lives in fear, almost all of them will disagree. Some will even get angry, and possibly violent,
if you dare to start a debate with them on the issue. The irony is that they won't see, even then,
that their reaction to the idea that their lives are based on fear, is in
itself a fear based reaction. So why would
I tell people about my life? Why would I
stand up, step out of the shadows that society creeps around in, and put my
trust in people to accept my life?
Simple. People cannot be
trusted. Everyone knows this because
everyone has a secret. The only variable
is the size of the secret, and mine would attract a massive excess baggage fee
if I packed it in a suitcase and boarded a plane.
I've had, and have, all those problems I
spoke about; divorce, health and finance, to some degree. I'm not saying my life is difficult in the
main, and in fact I often count myself lucky, and give thanks for my life, and
the many things I enjoy. Unlike some
others, at least I have my health, in that I can walk, talk, eat, see and
hear. I also have a brain that works well
enough, which gives me the opportunity to make something of myself, and do something
with my life. I really cannot complain,
so what makes my life so different that my therapist thinks that writing it
down is a good idea?
I don't think the aspect of my life in
question is in anyway unusual, or different, to a large percentage of the
population, so I guess it just comes down to a question of degree and
scope. When I consider those factors I
can't help feeling my life has been a little unusual, to say the least, and a
lot unusual to "say the most"!
No doubt it could be expressed by a lot of people with words like sick,
deviant, gross, fucked-up, pathetic, abhorrent, disgusting, depraved, and so
on. These words are not new to me. I've tarred myself with every one of them
over the years, and nobody else could project the depth of feeling in those
words more strongly to me than I have against myself. That projection in turn evoked feelings of
shame, guilt, unworthiness and self-loathing that cannot be replicated by
imagination. Even if I told you that you
cannot imagine the things I've done, and then gave you a hint, you would not
cover the depth and breadth of my life experience.
I've written about this in a way that tries
to depict how I felt at the time and how I feel now, and can only use words or
terms that make that possible. This book
is not for the prudish or faint-hearted, so if you like your reality painted
over and sugar-coated, then this is not for you, and I suggest you make a nice
cup of tea and watch re-runs of Days of Our Lives instead.
I'm not complaining about my lot, and in
some strange way I have even come to appreciate it after all this time. All I want to do now is find some
understanding out of it that might possibly enrich the remainder of my life,
and maybe even help others with theirs.
It all seemed to begin harmlessly enough as
a young child in primary school, but when I was a young teenager, an innocent
conversation with my mother raised the idea in me that this turbulent,
obsessive journey had actually begun when I was just a baby. In time I had no doubt about this, and it has
often led me to wonder - is this some kind of karmic load I am unloading, or am
I building a karmic load that will crush the life out of my soul? This is the question that would plague me through
the decades to come. Whatever the
explanation for it, I was powerless to do anything about it. All I could do was hang in, and hang on, as I
plunged headlong through a chaotic world of sensory self-gratification. Where do I even start, to give anyone an idea
of the duality of the life I have lived for as long as I can remember? There is that old clichéd crap about starting
at the beginning, and they may be right, but let's just skip ahead for a
moment, because honestly, if I'm going to write this down, then I don't have
time for norms or clichés, and don't give a shit about them. Skipping ahead will give me a clear reminder
of why I'm writing this, and what I'm writing about. I'll come back and try to join some dots, so
this might become a clearer picture of what it always felt like to me: a life
unlived. Is that too dramatic; to call
it a life unlived? I lived something,
didn't I? We all have some notion of
what life should be like, or what we wish it was like, and in my mind and in my
heart my life never measured up to any of my wishes. It just never felt like living. It always felt like a crap life; a bum deal.
It is what it is.
~ * ~
Author Information:
To the outside world he led a very normal life as a loving husband, good friend and successful businessman. But inside he harbored a great secret as he pursued a life exploring every avenue of sex imaginable. Stemming from an assignment his therapist gave him, this book explores the many aspects of sex that are hidden and frowned upon by society. Josef began by visiting mistresses and frequenting massage parlors, but most people could not even imagine the ways he found to satisfy his all-consuming desires, finding them repulsive, or strange to say the least. But Josef couldn’t get enough of it, as he planned his daily life around his next sexual encounter, lying to his wife and everyone who knew him for sixty years.
Some parts of Josef’s life are very confronting, and not for the prudish or faint-hearted, but Fifty Shades of Truth is a wonderfully entertaining, sometimes humorous, sometimes shocking, sometimes challenging, but always entertaining account of this man’s life. Many other men can only fantasize about some of the things he has experienced.
With this book being an Autobiography the Synopsis and Author Bio are the same.
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